There are many types of family, not just the one formed by father and mother. There are hundreds of single mothers and fathers who are exclusively concerned with the upbringing and education of their children because the relationship did not work or because there was never a partner. In this case, fears, doubts, problems and decisions are made unilaterally.
However, there are single parents who one day rebuild their lives. What happens then with the children? How will they take it? How to explain it? How to integrate this new person into the family circle?
A friend had a two-year relationship with a boyfriend after breaking up with her husband. His two children accepted him immediately, everything went well, but when the relationship ended, the children had a very bad time. Now that she has found someone again, her children do not want any kind of relationship with him. Everything is very tense and my friend is desperate because She doesn't know how to bring her new boyfriend and her children closer together.
From the outset we can't think that children will react badly to mom's new boyfriend or dad's girlfriend. Each child is different and behaves in a certain way, it also often depends on the approach we make. If the initial reaction is negative, we will have to put all our love and patience so that little gets used to the new situation. How?
- Children are very observant and realize our mood without even opening our mouths. If they notice our happiness, they find us happy and we can also convey to them how good that new person makes us feel, little by little, they will stop seeing you as an intruder.
- Fear is one of the main obstacles in these relationships. Children fear that this new person will 'steal' their mom or dad's love. You have to make them understand that each one has a place, and that no one can ever take away the place they have in our hearts. Words, however, are not enough. Dedicate quality time to them in which they have mom or dad to themselves.
- They must know that this person who has appeared in their lives, does not intend to take the place of his father or mother. He will not be the rival of the biological father, he will have his own space and place within the family.
- Don't force things, leave the boyfriend or girlfriend and the children free so that they themselves create their own space in which to relate is important. Above all, when it is not the first time that the mother introduces a boyfriend and the children do not want to become attached to someone again. It is after all a life lesson, throughout our existence people appear and disappear, some were very important and others went unnoticed.
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