Grandparents-parents relationship: differences of opinion
Kubuś's mother writes in one of the forums:
"Unfortunately, I have to complain, because there was support and a willingness to help after giving birth, but we were very different, starting with breastfeeding (my mother screamed from the first visit to the hospital - feed, feed) through the feed, put it away (because you get used to it) ) etc. through to this day, we will soon be expanding our diet, and my mother cries out: "Is they already eating apple?" No, after all, he is big, at his age children already eat this or that, in addition I have to explain to her that the child will not eat sweets, sugar only in fruit, because he needs artificiality (and he is round and only kp) and she, that sometimes he would give him a lollipop etc. Sometimes I have enough, I know that this is my mother, but I always have to resist ... "
The first problem is emerging disagreements arising from generational differences, or simply temperament, outlook. One of the parties wants to help, but we do it in an inept way. The second tries to convey their arguments, which the first perceives as underestimating help.
What can you do? If grandparents do not take care of their grandson on a daily basis, a lot of advice can be left unsaid, smiling and not commenting. When we think that comment is necessary, it is worth expressing our arguments directly and firmly, but without judging the other party and with the indication that when we have doubts we will definitely come for help.
Mom's uneven mum
It is interesting to hear that when one of the grandmothers clearly interprets their duties, the other shows a lot of forgiveness. Often the parents of a young mother have the courage to make bolder comments, direct attention that they would not say to the daughter-in-law. It also depends a lot on whether grandparents are just debuting in their role or whether they already have some experience in this field. Kubuś's mother continues to write:
"Otherwise I have a mother-in-law who is happy with every news, admires and sometimes takes the baby for a walk on Saturdays despite the cold or rainy weather. I understand that 30 years ago it was quite different and I respect how it is now ... "
In the parents-grandparents relationship, two sides often feel underrated. Parents debuting in a very important and extremely responsible role would sometimes like to hear that they are doing well, that their child is developing perfectly. However, grandparents often crave for thanks and stating that their role is also important.
That is why sometimes it seems a good idea to take advantage of the advice of our parents and thank them for them when we achieve the intended goal. And the other way around, the sincere praise of adult children by grandparents can really warm up the atmosphere. It costs little and gives a lot ...
We live in a time in which strength, self-control, dealing with many things at once is the basis, necessary for proper functioning. Without them, it is difficult to imagine development in any area. Therefore, we forcibly enter these roles in the family.
When a young woman becomes pregnant, she wants to show the world, and often to herself he can handle itthat works well as a partner / wife and mother. Admitting to weakness and showing that he is not doing the way he wants, is seen as life's ineptitude. No wonder that many pregnant women prefer to live on the brink of strength than to ask for help ... Also, so as not to hear the constant reminder that someone once helped ...
How can you help yourself? You can be tempted by honesty and ask for help. The more so that support during pregnancy or in the first years of a child's life is nothing to be ashamed of. Over time, everything can turn around and it usually happens. Young parents who need help can repay to some extent by helping aging grandparents. Also, grandchildren who have good contact with grandparents from the very beginning rarely lose contact with them when they grow up.
Competition for a child
The birth of a child often strengthens negative relationships in the family. Unresolved problems come to light and are difficult to remove from view. The immaturity of young parents, the so-called not cutting the umbilical cord from their own mother or dad, becomes a significant problem that translates into more difficult relationships not only with grandparents, but also with a partner.
It can be difficult to find yourself in a situation where everyone wants to show who is "in charge here" and who is better. Starting such a game always ends badly.
In parents-grandparents relations it is very important to go out of the way and not involve a child in their own conflicts. It would be unacceptable to have a toddler against parents or grandparents or to make seeing them dependent on current family relationships. The child has the right, unless of course is harmed, to contact both parents and grandparents. To take this opportunity away from him is to hurt none other than him.
Both the role of grandparents and parents is very important and unique. Parents should not replace grandparentsand parents' grandparents. Everyone can give a toddler love that is hard to overestimate. And everyone in their own way wants it good for him. It is worth remembering to fight for good relations, whenever there is a chance.
Childbirth and childcare is provided very tiring. Whoever does not understand it has apparently not experienced it or forgot what it is like. A lot is also changing between partners, who suddenly have to face new responsibilities and the time they shared between work, home and which they had for themselves to save on a lot of other activities.
No wonder many couples is in crisis. Even those very harmonious marriages sometimes have problems dealing with excess stress, responsibilities, and loss of independence. Quarrels, quiet days, anger and frustration often occur. That is why conversation and mutual support are so important. In this respect, the help of grandparents and loved ones is also invaluable, who through taking care of the child can relieve parents themselves and give them time to stay only together.
The relationship between young parents and friends after the birth of a child may also change. Often, despite the efforts and attempts to understand each side, it can be simply difficult. This is because during the first months, a young mother or dad can be fully absorbed in a whole new world. Long conversations can often be impossible due to the attention of children and the inability to leave the house spontaneously.
Young parents can be especially for childless friends too mobile and too absorbed in duties. There may also be a problem finding a common topic, and circling constantly around issues related to the child is usually tiring for both sides. So what can you do?
It's best to prove yourself patience and understanding. It is also worth accepting the fact that what is happening at the moment does not necessarily mean the end of friendship, that the most valuable acquaintances will survive, despite breaks and even a return to initial intimacy after a long time.