Ways to disobey a child - do they exist at all?

Ways to disobey a child - do they exist at all?

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Being a parent is the greatest adventure of a lifetime. As my husband once said, "such a Cejrowski travels the world, but even he has never been weakened by a lightsaber from the Spirit of Future Valentine's Day and Easter."
What if we have such adventures above the ears, and our sweet kid with insane eyes does his thing? How to master a raging element without the help of a nanny staff, army and exorcist? Is it even possible?
There are basically as many ways for disobedient children as there are children. We must remember that the child is an individuality - a new person, not a photocopier of an older sister or brother, and even more so the skin removed from the parents. Has the right to be interested in something other than us. He has the right to be undecided, distracted, tearful, grumpy, grumpy, saucy, furious, angry or simply rude. It has the right to be a child, and we as parents have the right to deal with this condition somehow.

In the process of growing up from time to time we deal with developmental jumps. The child very quickly begins to acquire new messages and skills, but sometimes it is also associated with excessive accumulation of emotions. A toddler is not always able to handle them alone. Who survived the famous revolt of a two or three year old knows what he is talking about.

Mom, Dad - do you know those situations where you are angry and behaving absurdly, but despite this awareness, you can't control yourself? You growl at the surroundings, you want to disappear on a desert island and not watch anyone, and at the same time you want someone to guess that something is happening and help? A child who knows the world experiences the same feelings, but in a much greater intensity, because he is not able to understand their essence.

There are of course children who are disobedient every day and it's hard to master them - usually responsible for this state of affairs big stress, caused, for example, by divorce or illness of the parents, alcoholism in the family, or any other factor that the child has no influence over and accompanies him because of it frustration and helplessness.

Being rude will become a way to deal with the world around you - it is a manifestation of the child's separateness and a signal that here he decides about himself and will not allow others to influence himself, just as he did not affect others. However, these are marginal situations in relation to the entire ocean of children's disobedience around us and usually require the intervention of more experienced people, e.g. a pedagogue or child psychologist, who will help the child deal with himself.

But what if, in a child's environment, everything seems to be correct, and he is testing our patience in every way? There is one answer: consequence. I would like to share with you some examples from my home that show the role of consistency in the child-parent relationship.

1. If I decide something, I do not revoke it

All detention and other penalties, as well as rewards agreed with the child, are valid until the very end. Two days without a TV for notorious lying in vivid eyes is two days. Even despite the fact that immediately after the imposition of the penalty, the daughter magically became super polite and helpful in everything. The child must know that the parent cannot be appeased and manipulated in any way. Attention! The principle of being consistent must absolutely apply to rewarding. We promised a walk / trip / ice cream? If a child deserves a prize, it must absolutely not be canceled, even if the parent falls from fatigue to the face. Alternatively, in consultation with the child, you can exchange the prize for another, or change the date of its implementation, but do not postpone it forever.

2. I am setting a good example

I don't demand anything from my children that I don't do. This principle applies to virtually every child's life. Help with cleaning, using polite phrases, helping the weaker, etc. - this type of behavior is easiest for a child to learn by observation. We should not require a child to say "please" if we say "hey, give me salt".

3. I try not to get upset

The child roars, stomps its feet or lays suddenly on the stairs? Growling and yelling of the parent in this situation will not do anything, only intensify his bad mood. For some children it will be good to ignore bad behavior, to distract others etc. When my 2.5-year-old son refuses to climb stairs, I run races. I change the situation that irritates him into something he likes, and at the same time I show him that he does not always have to win. If he doesn't want to take his shoes off himself and put them back in place, I sit with him in the hall until he does. Our record was 40 minutes - he was rolling and crying, I was sitting next to me and like a mantra, I repeated "I'm waiting for you, when you take your shoes off, we'll go play." It was enough for this one time that the toddler would understand that he was choosing himself - he could have a nasty mood and be bored, and maybe immediately after entering the house do what he should and have fun the rest of the day.

4. I allow myself to cry

Parents of tots definitely associate such situations - everything is great, the child is playing, and suddenly crying begins, apparently for no reason. It didn't hit him, nothing hurt him, it's neither hungry nor tired. What is happening in the child's head right now is a big mystery. I'm not trying to calm the child down by force. When it sounds like crying, no words can reach him. It helps to squat next to and reach out - if the child has a need to hug and wants to calm down in this way, he will approach himself. If not, give him a moment to calm down and then talk. Being consistent in this situation is difficult if we are in a public place, or if there is a grandmother / grandfather / aunt / uncle or another person in the area who stubbornly tries to comfort the child in their own way, which often makes the situation worse. Therefore, often developing your own educational model also requires raising the whole family;)

5. I love, but I don't allow anything

Setting boundaries is not a parental fad. Already two years old, he can easily understand what he is not allowed to do (and the fact that he will still check whether it is not allowed is another matter). A child of all ages can have their duties and must have their rights, because they are a full member of the family and society. But it must also have clear rules. Rebellion against them is not strange, after all, geniuses and great inventors came into being in the world thanks to breaking the rules. However, their very existence is associated with a sense of security in the child. It is a sign "I'm not allowed everything because someone cares about me."

Ways for disobedient children have been invented so far ... . Once upon a time (thankfully!) They have moved away from kneeling on peas and donkey ears. Now the lead is the "penal hedgehogs", the barrier for television and computer or pocket withdrawal. Above all, let's remember that every punishment must be commensurate with guilt. However, every prize must be ... Cool! And for both children and parents. For children, because they have earned it, and for parents for raising such children. Because every child is cool, you only need to sometimes help him discover it.

And you, how do you deal with your kids' disobedience? Share your ways!