Pregnancy / Childbirth

Parenting time


The biggest dilemma of the modern world is the parenting paradox, and especially the combination of childbirth time and the period of greatest professional development. The average age when the first children in the family are born is about 28 years, i.e. the period when we have the chance of the greatest development as almost thirty-year-olds: we are left with enthusiasm and at the same time the experience gained so far speaks in our favor. We have everything, at least in theory, to achieve success ... In practice, we usually have to "slow down" or pause for a few years ... for the family. What are the consequences of this? We often have to start all over again ...

Motherhood time

In "Non-Fiction Maternity" Joanna Wo┼║niczko-Czeczott refers to the theory on the life cycle of a woman, created by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. The poet and doctor of ethno-clinical psychology divided the woman's life in a poetic way into several periods:
0-7 - body age and dreams: socialization without losing imagination
7-14 - the age of separation and intertwining of reason and imagination
14-21 - new body age, girlish age: budding, still hidden sensuality
21-28 - age of the new world: new life, exploring new worlds
28-35 - age of motherhood: learning to mother yourself and others
35-42 - age of searching: mothering one's identity, searching for identity
42-49 - the beginning of senile wisdom: finding his distant abode, encouraging others;
49-56 - the age of the underground world: learning the meaning of words and rituals
56-63 - age of choice: choosing your world and the work still to be done
63-70 - age of a guardian, guides: processing all acquired knowledge
70-77 - age of rejuvenation, deepening the knowledge of the old woman;
77-84 - age of the misty: finding great things in small ones
84-91 - age of crimson thread spinning: understanding the tangles of life
91 - 98 - the age of ethereal, word words, more existence
98-105 - age of pneuma - breath, spirit, breath of life, breath;
105+ - the age of infinity

Of course, for each individual period may move one way or the other. This is average. It is significant that the "age of motherhood" is followed by the "age of search." It is a time when, after focusing on the child, a woman turns back to herself, seeking her own identity, discovering new, often dormant needs.

It's good where we are not ...

When talking about motherhood in the context of professional development, one can often hear a characteristic grinding noise. Complaining is a significant sign of this. Caused difficulties in reconciling several, several rolesthat most often rest on a woman. There is a frustration and a strong impression that what the media try to create is not so beautiful, as it is claimed that, of course, my mother returns to work, but she is not always smiling, and the one who stays at home often dreams about finally get out of it.

Many mothers who stay at home with their children feel something like the whole day suffocating, being trapped. Although the toddler loves life more, something is simply missing. In turn, when the decision to return to work is made, when the child is not yet two / three years old, a feeling arises that something important is passing us by the nose. Wherever we are we often feel bad. It may come as a surprise that complaints accompany even everyday women with positive attitude. This happens most often when women remain alone with too much responsibility. Without so important for physical and mental health support of loved ones.

When is the best time for children?

Even about 30 years ago, the majority of women in childbirths were 20-year-olds. In our grandmothers generation, a 17-18 year old woman with a child was no exception, but a 30-year-old woman giving birth to children: yes. Today, the percentage of women giving birth in their 30s is increasing. It's no secret that it's becoming increasingly difficult to decide on a child, be it the first or especially the next.

Childbirth is today a very often conscious decision. The next step in the life scenario that we carefully plan. First there is school, studies, work, partner, home, then the thought of expanding the family. This is not a sign of our calculation, but a desire for our child to have perfect conditions for development, often better than those we had.

On the other hand, often today having a child is considered an obstacle. To be honest, it's not without a reason again. We complain about the lack of help from the state, huge competition on the labor market, awareness of the lack of support from parents who work alone or for various reasons do not feel the need for active participation in the lives of grandchildren.

The attitude towards men has also changed. In the generation of our grandmothers or parents, it was not unusual to marry after a few weeks of acquaintance. Today, a woman aware of her needs and at the same time wants something more than just "catching her husband". She wants to create a partner relationship in which she will feel loved and appreciated.

When we finally manage to find a partner, make a life with him, we often noticethat we are 30 years old. It is true that there is a house / flat, a car, a good job, but there is also awareness that all this can be lost. Perhaps the employer had the opportunity to directly show their position in relation to women who "dared" to give birth to children or anxiety arouses numerous memories of colleagues, young mothers.

For this reason, some say that better to give birth to a child over 20, spontaneously, without plans and estimating profits and losses. However, the truth and the best solution are always different. Usually difficult to find and requiring a lot of courage to tell him YES.

Having children today in adverse economic, social and often family conditions is a sign of great courage and at the same time love for a partner, yourself and the world. At many stages difficult and frustrating, but giving so much that it is impossible to count it or mention in one place.

The question seems to be: child or career will always be up to date. It is impossible to believe in what some media promote, that you can have both. Something always happens at the expense of something. Some have the courage to admit it. Others just state it over time ... usually, when their children are already adults, claiming for many years that they were lucky, that fate chose them because they managed to have everything: always. Therefore, regardless of what you choose, remember that time for children, contrary to what you think ... is passing. And then, when you find that you are ready to give birth first / second, or the next child may find out that it is too late. Despite the progress of medicine and despite the assurances of celebrities that pregnancy after 40 is a great thing ...

It's time for children, time for a career. Usually both fall at the same time. Then you have to choose or decide how to reconcile everything in order to suffer as little as possible.