Our ideas about motherhood and reality
Moms who are expecting their first child often think that newborns and babies only eat and sleep. Our aunts, mothers and friends raise our spirits during pregnancy by telling stories about their polite and obedient children. Hearing this, we have the impression that all young children are like that: they are lying in a cot, they play with their toys, eat whatever they give them, and they smile sweetly. And how can you not like them here?
This vision of motherhood means that we can't wait for our child to be with us, we imagine days together, long walks and we promise that we will stare for hours at our sweet baby during his sleep. Sleep, which according to the assurances of our loved ones should last over 22 hours a day!
"I don't like my child!"
The reality in many cases, however, turns out to be quite different, and our child often does not resemble this sweet baby from the story. NHe doesn't want to sleep, and spends most of the day hanging on our arms instead of in the crib. Put aside to the crib, he immediately begins to cry intensively, as if a carefully selected soft mattress was his worst enemy.
The same loved ones who talked about trouble-free parenting, now they sympathize with us and comfort us, that sometimes it happens, but soon our baby will grow out of it. We, on the other hand, cling to the hope of this hope and quietly dream of sleeping nights, calm days and at least a moment for ourselves. Over time, however, it is not better.
For the next months pass, our child grows up, begins to walk and is everywhere. He scatters toys, plays with food, and responds with loud shouting and protest to any ban or command. We are, however more and more tired, because of sleeplessness, because of stress, and also because of the nagging questions: "why is my child so disobedient?", "why is he not as polite and composed as Kasia's son?", "when did he will it finally grow? "
And finally, most often at the time of greatest mental exhaustion, we admit that we do not like our child at all and we would be happy to exchange them for other, polite, preferably ones such as those on television advertising. But after a while a small voice whispers: "how do you not like your child ?! You must like them, you are a mother, and all mothers must like their children! " They have? Could it be?
Maternal love and liking a child - does one necessarily equal the other?
Love, especially motherly love, is considered unconditional, lasting and unchanging. This means, in simple terms, that a mother loves her child for being a child. So in the case of maternal love, it doesn't matter what the child is.
But liking is completely different. We usually like given people not just because they are, but because they are. So we like for behavior, way of being, attitude towards ourselves and many other things. Liking is also a very subjective feeling, which changes depending on our mood, age and many other factors. The same is true of liking children.
So you can love your child at the same time, because parental love is somehow "inscribed" in our nature, and at the same time not like it. It is worth noting, however, that this "disliking" is usually temporary and results from the lack of acceptance of certain behaviors on the part of our child as well as our stress and nervousness. So it's safe to say that we don't like our child so much, but rather we don't accept his behavior at the moment. It is certainly easier to like a child who is calm, fulfills our instructions and is generally polite. But what if our child makes a mess around him that he doesn't want to clean up, screams and doesn't listen to us at all? Is a naughty child likeable? Certainly yes, but it is difficult and not everyone succeeds.
Accept your feelings
Many mothers who admit to themselves that they do not like their child, are most often ashamed of their thoughts. Such thinking makes them feel guilty, because how? You can't dislike your own child! According to many of us, it is the duty of a good mother not only to care for her child, but also to like and fully accept her. That is why it is worth realizing that every mother has the right to a moment of weakness, including the feeling of anger and negative emotions. After all, we're just human, and such feelings are part of our nature.
Take care of yourself and your needs
The statement, "I don't like my child!" Most often comes from the mouths of those mothers who are tired, stressed and in a worse mental state. Most often, this is due to a lack of help and understanding on the part of loved ones and leaving the mother alone with the child for a long time. That is why it is so important that my mother takes care of herself and her needs. Let us not be ashamed to ask our loved ones for help in caring for a child. To be a good mother, we don't have to be with our child 24 hours a day! Therefore, let's leave the house, meet friends and let's do something for ourselves! Our better well-being will definitely be good for the whole family. Our child will also be much happier and calmer, having a happy and rested mother with him.
We also have no remorse, leaving your child with other people. It often turns out that a child becomes more polite, more willingly hears the commands of "strangers" than their own parents, who are often too lenient for him. So this lesson can be good not only for our psyche, but above all for our child.
Teach, raise, but above all accept your child
It is also worth understanding that the "bad" behavior of our child in most cases does not result from our upbringing mistakes, especially if we try to teach them good habits and behavior every day. Some children are more energetic and stronger than others, and we can't help it. So we just have to accept them as they are. Our only duty is to teach and explain to boredom what is allowed and what a child should not do. It is also comforting that with age the child understands more and more readily and obey our instructions.
There is also no point in comparing your child with other kids. First, each child has periods of rebellion that are part of the natural development process of a small person, and secondly, other parents often color their reality a bit, and their stories have little to do with reality. You should also be patient and be aware that everything is passing by. We will not look back and our child will become an energetic teenager who we will praise more than once for his strong character and having his own opinion.