Demagogy to power?
Let's take the first from the shore, so popular today: closeness parenting. If we do not subscribe to all the rules of raising children in this trend, does it mean that we realize long-distance parenting, does it mean that we bring up children in the cold, never hug, wear or kiss them?
Why do some try to convince that there is close parenthood, emptiness, long long nothing and on the other side parenthood consisting in neglecting a child?
Is it possible to raise a child without the basic attributes of closeness parenthood: a headscarf, a shared bed with the child and long-term breastfeeding? Should we feel losing, because in the guru of this method they recognize that it is incompatible with the parenting instinct to put the child in the crib behind the bars and sit next to it? Do we need to read the Bible of followers of this method "In the depth of continuum" to raise a child well? Can't live without her and can't be a good mother today?
A method of meeting the needs and promoting the independence of the child
There is also another method that parents use, about which we have upbringing in a spirit of intimacy speak with a snack, emphasizing its "archaic" and "contradiction with the latest discoveries." For many people, it is the Tracy Hogg philosophy that allows family harmony. The author, teaching the "language of babies", shows how to ensure the child's independence, while satisfying all his needs.
The idea of this method is to help parents in arranging the day plan so that everyone's needs can be met. Simple? It turns out that too much ... Theoretically, it can make no difference to a child whether he falls asleep on the sofa, in his own bed, parents' bed or in the cradle. As a newborn, he has no ideas or comparisons of these various options. He's just sleeping ... And parents have the right to use this fact. Until they read that they are hurting their child ...
Neighborhood parenting as well as Tracy Hogg's methods do not support the method of controlled crying. This parent accepts attention.
Attention parenting is an approach that assumes that in addition to the need for food, sleep, intimacy, etc., the child also has a need to cry. This philosophy of raising a child shows that the role of parents is not to calm the toddler every time he cries, using all the available forces, but to accompany the infant in crying, in peace and concentration, recognizing him as another need.
As a young parent, you may be surprised how much extreme emotion a child's upbringing raises, and how much aggression it breeds. You can open your eyes in disbelief by reading about the "best methods", "the right approach", "the most appropriate solutions" and "the good of the child." Gaining knowledge and gaining ... a sense of helplessness and guilt.
And although many people say that today you can not stand in the middle, I am convinced that you can. Even when, after reading one of the guides and starting to strive to follow the path laid out there, we will meet with resistance. Even when our personal reasons are unpopular and the parents on the other hand strongly convince us that we are wrong, that we hurt the child.
How do you keep such valuable attention today? Trust yourself and approach the education of children. Raising a child is not the time to enter the sects professing specific methods, it is a very important moment when we should be open to various possibilities. The more that being with a child every day can be very stressful and tiring. Therefore, a good method is the one that works in our particular case. Even if it is effective only for a moment, it is worth reaching for it at a given moment and when it stops working, look for another one.
Donald Woods Winnicott wrote: "There are no perfect parents." What should you strive for? To be good enough.
A good enough mother is not one who is infallible and tries to convince everyone of her arguments, she is a mother who hesitates, has doubts and that makes her ready to learn all the time. This is a mature woman and aware that each solution has its pros and cons. He is a person who listens and observes. It is a certain awareness of the mind, which does not try to adjust certain methods to the child, common phrases to their situation, but which among all methods and recommendations chooses those that suit her and adapts to her child. This is what it is rational parenting. This is not a method against any of the philosophies described above. It is openness of mind, mindfulness and the feeling that a person learns throughout his life. Rationally thinking mothers are not those for which everything is easy and simple, not those who know the answer to all questions, but ones that seek different solutions and allow others to look for them.