Time for mom

Mother, you have the right to be angry!


The myth of Polish Mother is very strong. It looks like this: an oasis of peace, an inexhaustible source of love, full maturity, immeasurable energy and a model of all virtues. A simple walking ideal that we theoretically know does not exist, but in practice we rarely give ourselves the right to be good, authentic mothers who are not perfect.

There is something else - we shoot ourselves in the knee. Because instead of accepting that we are only human, we take away the right to so-called "negative" feelings after having a child and as soon as they appear, we feel guilty. We fight to make the myth of a steadfast parent well. We do not allow ourselves "human weaknesses", we discipline ourselves for any defects and treat other women equally firmly. According to the principle - you are a mother, then suffer silently. You have no right to complain, because others are worse, because a child is a miracle, because it is the greatest happiness.

And what of it is true, since we burn emotionally. For years, we "don't make" and we don't talk about it, we suffer in loneliness, because you don't get mad. Or maybe it falls out and you even have to? To show myself and my child that even when we are bad, do we love? That even furious, we can organize everything? We have the right to get angry and show by example how we deal with difficult emotions ...

You have the right to be angry

Being a parent is a great responsibility and a job that has no end. The birth of a child to many adults allows ... to mature, enrich their personality with behaviors, thoughts and needs that they did not even realize before. On the one hand, being a parent enriches and strengthens us, but on the other it makes us weaker. It makes us often discover difficult emotions that we have never experienced before. Among them, fear of a child occupies an important place.

Exactly that fear of a child underlies many other emotions, including anger and aggression. Understanding this fear is a primary emotion allows you to accept your own reactions.

As parents, we should not strive to suppress difficult emotions, because in this way they will not disappear, on the contrary they will gain strength and explode in the least expected moment and unfortunately in an uncontrolled release. Our role is also to show difficult emotions that do not hurt the child, but show our authenticity. In addition, showing emotions in an acceptable way teaches in the easiest way by example of the appropriate reactions of our child.

The child triggers in us different emotions, not only positive

We want to believe that relationships based on love are perfect, and the very fact that we love our child should protect us from experiencing unpleasant emotions. It's not like that. In every relationship based on closeness there are different feelings and we should not run away from them. By denying it, we make it difficult for a child to understand some natural truths about interpersonal relationships. Where there is love, so is anger, sadness, disappointment. The sooner we accept it, the more nerves we save.

The parent's role is not to raise a child under a glass shade. The goal is not to show that only beautiful emotions are present in love. The truth is different. Where there are two people there can be misunderstandings. That is why a flesh-and-blood parent has the right not to have strength, patience, feel exhausted, get nervous and angry with themselves and their child. Giving him the right to be authentic, it will be easier for him to let the child experience negative emotions.

The child needs an authentic parent who experiences all emotions

Children learn the world at home. They not only learn the names of everyday objects, but also observe the behavior and reactions of parents. They see what joy, surprise and pride are, which we show with great enthusiasm. They also observe what means anger, sadness, fear, which we are often ashamed of or which we try to hide. No wonder we do that, since most of us in childhood were punished for "bad emotions." And unfortunately, we act in a similar way towards our own children, although we usually don't really want it.

We have the most problems with anger, because this emotion is not associated well. Often leads to deeds, or aggression. From an early age, it is usually explained to us that anger is bad, that one should not be nervous, that anger of beauty harms, etc. Meanwhile, this is the most primal emotion that comes from fear and a sense of helplessness, which is not difficult to look after children.

Unfortunately, when we cope, we rarely feel sad, usually anger comes, which, when expressed, leads to aggression. Aggression, on the other hand, breeds aggression and the problem is aggravated instead of solving. That is why it is so important to know the source of your own feelings and be able to express them in a controlled, non-detrimental way.

How?