Preschooler

My child is less polite with me. Worry?


Children go to their grandmother or aunt for the day, you hear that they are very well behaved. Zero problems. When brought home from the threshold, they "show roses", they start arguing, pushing, they are loud, and then they cry and do not want to be hugged. Worried grandma honestly says: "without you they were more polite."

A similar situation elsewhere. Ladies in kindergarten cannot boast about your good daughter and peaceful, kind son. All you have to do is come pick up your child from kindergarten ... it starts. Whining, moaning, refusal to cooperate. Why is this happening? You can't raise your own child, it's better with other people, or maybe your child is behaving for a reason other than a lack of clearly defined boundaries?

Mothers / Fathers unable to raise their children?

At first glance it looks like this: the child behaves worse with his parent because he is lost. It shows that the problem ... lies in mom or dad, which is overwhelmed by the role imposed on them. Apparently, the house lacks clear rules, consistency in action, and maybe wise love?

How else to explain the unbearable behavior of a child's parent who in another company was a role model? Why was the toddler a few moments before he could be "polite", did not cause problems that after meeting with his parent, as if after pressing a button, he began to release emotions from himself? Blindly and without reflection?

Sense of security

Psychologists point out that the problem is not the behavior of parents, in other words, it is not too low educational competence. Rather, something else is natural and understandable: sense of security.

The child is guided by a similar mechanism to the one we know. It makes it even easier for a person who celebrated his 18th birthday a long time ago to "put up" at home and release anger and frustration in a "familiar" environment. It's easier to cry in the pillow or sleeve at home than to open up at work or on the street. In a natural way, outside the home, outside the safe haven, we try to "control", "keep our nerves under control" so that only when we get home, feel safe, let them free.

It is similar in children. Toddlers naturally discharge their frustrations, show suppressed emotions in the presence of the parent. When they reach their "harbor", they return from kindergartens, nurseries, trips, they become "really themselves". They allow themselves emotions and weakness.

Of course, this "explosion" of previously accumulated emotions does not last forever. After "unloading" the child returns to "normal", "typical" behavior, which is simply a child who rarely fits into the ideal vision of an adult.