The first reaction of parents surprised by the child's presence is panic, nerves and embarrassment. A common reaction is screaming, driving the child out of the room, and getting dressed quickly. Psychologists agree that this is the worst thing we can do.
Step one - let's calm the bedroom
The more naturally we react, the less awkward or even less dangerous the situation will be for the child. It is good if we keep cool enough to be joyful, explain for a moment that parents hug or love each other (about this difference later) and want to be together, alone and that, for example, a child goes to a room to which they immediately and parents will come.
Ideally, you can control your nerves enough to answer the child's question "what are you doing?" Carefree "we love". This statement is positively associated with a child, and at the same time corresponds to actual physical contact.
Step two - what did the child see (with his eyes)?
Despite the embarrassing situation, let's try to find out WHAT and HOW our child saw. Let's ask: "When you entered the room you looked surprised. What do you think we did? " Our child may answer differently, but most often he will associate our games with "wrestling", "fixing", less often with violence. Then let's try to find out or feel if the situation was negative for the child. If so, it should be made clear immediately that the parents did not hurt themselves.
Step three - explanation
We definitely owe it to our sleeping "Intruder". The content and level of information should be tailored to the child's age and knowledge.
If a child previously asked questions about sexuality, but also the origin of man and himself, and we tried to be as exhaustive and scientific in it as possible, we will not tell stories about hugs now. Then, let us try, taking into account the age of the child, to answer the most exhaustively and professionally about the situation.
If the child sees this for the first time, previously he rarely surprised us even at a kiss, the whole conversation can be a bit more difficult, because you should start from scratch. Therefore, if this is our debut, it should be explained to the child that the closeness he witnessed is the normal, warm and friendly behavior of adults who love each other very much and in this way show themselves love, closeness, respect and tenderness. It can also be mentioned by the way that this kind of hugging comes from children. It is important that the child receives a clear and clear message that sex is something natural, which is a sign of love, tenderness and the most positive emotions.
If translating a child about love with it is hard to pass through our throat or the child's age precludes such a complicated explanation, we can hear what he saw confirms that, for example, we practiced ("Yes dear, dad and mom practiced. We like to practice before bedtime"). Often, such an answer will satisfy the baby's curiosity and will not go further. However, if this is not enough for him, let's wait for more questions. They may relate to nudity, position, sounds. Let's not answer unanswered. Let's wait until the questions arise by themselves. This method of "small steps" is recommended for children. Sometimes, after the first question, the child feels informed and no longer asks.
Step four - prevention
It is not said that our child will not catch us again. If we have explained the situation to him, he knows that it is nothing bad, and even normal, it does not mean that we can allow us to be caught unpunished. Let's take care of the right intimacy.
If the child sleeps with us in the room, let's try to save one day or afternoon just for ourselves. Let's take care of the parents' child, cousin, or send them for a walk with a trusted and friendly neighbor.
If a child has its own room, let's try to install a small bell in his door so that we can prepare for the baby's coming to the room. We can also mount a lock on his (but also ours) door and start to instill the habit of knocking on the door. However, we should remember that if we want to require a child to knock before entering our bedroom - this obligation also applies to us.
Let's not run away from any questions. Let them ask your child to explain everything right away. Coded disturbing picture in the child's head, unexplained immediately, may in the future result in negative results on the male-female relationship of the toddler. So if our little boy starts asking the questions "why did you do it naked?", "Didn't it hurt you?", "Why did you hug in such strange positions?", "Why, mom, did you scream?", Let's not be afraid to answer. These are not convenient questions - let's face it - but lying to a child or selling and not informing him can explode his imagination about a picture he found.
When answering, please indicate clearly that this way of showing feelings only adults are allowed. The child will then be informed, maybe they will not understand everything, but they will be calm that they know about such "adult" games and that they are normal.
It is also important to both parents participated in the conversation. Escape from meeting a few-year-old is a sign for him that one of his parents is afraid, and so he probably did something wrong.
Finally remember that kissing, hugging or stroking in the presence of a child is not bad or has a negative effect on the child's psyche. After all, you hug him, kiss him and stroke him. The more showing your closeness, love and tenderness in your home a normal and natural behavior, the easier it will be for you to stay cool when you are surprised and explain everything to your child. He will also find it easier to understand and accept that parents show love differently if he grows up feeling that showing affection is something completely normal, and adults (as adults) do it their way as usual ...