For childbirth? Only not with my own mother! - Letter

For childbirth? Only not with my own mother! - Letter

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We have received such a letter and publish it at the author's explicit request:

"I didn't believe my friend when she said that mother's assistance during childbirth was not the best choice. Even my sister advised me not to, but I decided to give birth to my mother and now I regret it.

However, from the beginning. Unfortunately, my husband could not be in delivery. In the last month of pregnancy he was abroad, without the possibility of returning to childbirth. There was no option that he would appear. I knew that he had such a job, but paradoxically I felt dislike and regret for him, after all, our son, our first child was to be born, and he was not there ... I wanted him to do something, but he would appear. That was the heart and mind? I knew he would not be there, but subconsciously I dreamed that he would cut the umbilical cord.

I did not have to think long about who I would give birth to, who would stand by my bed as a substitute. It seemed natural to me that it would be my mother. She gave birth to me herself, she is a woman, she knows how important this day is for each of us .... She was the right person in the right place - it seemed to me so far. I talked to my husband about it - he said it was my decision, he did not want to impose anything or suggest anything. He did not criticize the choice of his mother, his mother-in-law.

Unfortunately it was not a good choice. I think one of the worse.

The second day after giving birth, I spoke honestly to the midwife who was taking the birth - she admitted, though reluctantly that we assisted in giving birth, it is a rather bad idea. She suggested that a duola or a friend is a better choice. Although she added that she had only a few such situations, that she gave birth to a mother giving birth. Why is it better not to decide on mother?

My mother showed it very well in the delivery room - she was a bundle of nerves that sparks to the right and left - nurses, midwives, doctors, she clung to everything, reporting a lot of accusations. I know that she was afraid and wanted the best, that she felt responsible for me and my grandson, but it drove me crazy and instead of reassuring irritated me to power. I once remarked that she was supposed to calm down, I begged between contractions to leave. She insisted that she must be next door and that I did not know what I was saying. At that moment, she treated me like a child, not like a tired and frustrated woman. Finally, my midwife appeared after my pleading look, noticing that the action was slowing down, that the situation was not good. When my mother left the room, the action accelerated, I gave birth.

Instead of bringing us closer together, this experience left aversion. Theoretically, nothing happened, but ... what many people told me was confirmed - mothers are too emotional with their daughters to help them during childbirth. It is better that they stand in front of the room, the hospital, wait on the phone than they were right next to them ... I did not believe and tried, and now I think I could choose better ... That's why I write about it, maybe some woman who is considering choosing my mother will read it and think about it once ... .Magda "

What do you think about it? This confirms the stereotype that births with mothers are the worst?

After all, there is a theory that during childbirth mother may subconsciously not allow her daughter to give birth to a child, prevent her from being born as a mother. Some say that at such moments the unhealthy competition intensifies, which hinders the whole process of the child's birth ... Or maybe birthing with mothers is a rather individual matter? And everything depends on the relationship between daughter and mother?

Who did you give birth to a child with? Can you imagine giving birth with your own mother?