Small child

I have a shy child ...


Each of us remembers photos, recordings or stories of parents, grandparents and friends about our performances in kindergarten, shows during aunt Wanda's name day or then making an unknown show at every step. And how can you come to terms with the fact that we - born performers - have a child who is shy, does not change hands from aunt to uncle, through grandparents and cousins ​​and does not make noise around each other on every occasion? What's more, Ania, Basia and Magda love a child when a crowd of delighted aunts focus their attention on his / her shows. How to fight our child's shyness?

First of all - do you fight?

Every child is different. We know that. But somehow we can't put it into practice. Comparing your child to the children of friends is so strong that, despite the awareness that everyone is growing at their own pace, we cannot resist comparisons that start sitting, crawling, walking, how many teeth they have and how quickly the size of the clothes changes. We do not notice that in all this we ultimately shape our child's self-esteem. The child's development is closely related to his temperament, but our behavior is not insignificant.

Temperament and shyness

Let's start with temperament. We will not change him. We will not force a child to run around the apartment if he prefers to look at the bear or play with the rattle. Pressure from us will only deepen the child's reluctance to perform the desired action. This is a wonderful moment when our Treasure will do "bye-bye" or "dance-dance" for the first time. Every parent's dream is to show off this skill to the whole world. So let's take a picture of a child or discreetly record a baby. Do not expose yourself to stress if you do not want to do "bye-bye" to outgoing grandparents. For a child, even less than a year old, it will be a compulsion that he may not understand, but which he will feel and which will be recorded in his nervous system. In later years, this may result in tears or even hysteria as mom or dad leave home. In extreme cases, a child can run away, and even hide in a situation where the guest or housemate is getting ready to leave. Emphasis on performing "intellectual" gestures (and such include "bye-bye", "applauding", "magpie cooked porridge", "yeah I'm big" etc. indicating the level of communication of the child with the environment) against the will of the child may lead to the cessation of their exercise! It is identical to motor activities ("tan-dances", jumps, walking when held by a parent, etc.). Already at the stage of a six-month child we are able to determine what type of temperament our child has.

Naturally the method of supporting the child in his development and encouraging the baby can be beneficial and have a huge impact on the courage of the toddler in the future. However, you should always be careful and do not confuse support with emphasis. Only when a child grows up to age, when we are able to clarify certain issues so that he certainly understands our words, we can start working on increasing our child's courage. However, always remember that everyone has the right to dislike public speaking and it is our duty to respect that. If we want a child to sing a song during his grandmother's next birthday, and it will give her a kiss - let's appreciate it and maximally praise. For us it may be a failure (because we expected the song with a bow), and for our Treasury it is a milestone requiring enormous effort and great courage. Let's approve, appreciate and let us confirm the boy that what he did was unique and we are proud of him. After all, until now he was a shy, and now, in front of the gathered guests, the child approached her grandmother and gave her a kiss. Is this really enough?

If the child is from the "peaceful", it will always develop slightly more slowly. And it doesn't matter if she is a girl or a boy. But such a child develops intellectually faster. In the end, both temperaments, spontaneous and calm, will come down in preschool age, leveling their levels.

Kindergarten - time for the first attempts

Preschool age is a difficult time. There are numerous performances for parents, grandparents, aunts and kindergarten ladies. And here our bashful has another trauma in front of him. Knowing this, let us suggest that the tutor start working with him using the "small steps" method. He does not have to be a Princess or a Dragon for the first performance. Maybe it will be better to paint the scenery? He will get used to the performances, see more courageous children, learn songs and rhymes incidentally.

After all, he will be able to join if he wants. If not, however, he will remain a star in the background. No less important, because in the pictures, apart from the actors, you can see impressive scenery and costumes. Let the child enter the world of public speaking slowly. Over time, it will begin to want to be the sun, mushroom, Queen's groove. A day will come when he will recite a poem by himself or sing a song. Until then, let's be patient and give the child a chance to meet the monster he will face. Let's also let this fight take place alone then he will more strongly appreciate success. Naturally, we will always be the father of this success, but in this case let's stay in the shadows ourselves, supporting the development of our child and praising his actions with the greatest enemy of his character - shame.

So fight or not? In my opinion it is worth showing brave peopleappreciate their strong temperament show your child that people are different, while being equal. And that every difference is what makes humans unique. However, one cannot forget that those "invisible" are often the foundation of the Star's success. For who would an actor be on stage if it weren't for the stage designer, director, supervisor, costume designer, lighting technician and acoustician? Who would watch it if it wasn't for the theater builder or the ticket maker? And finally - who would know about his existence, were it not for the photographer who will take the picture and the editors who will publish it? A team of "invisible" key people works for the success of one. Our child does not have to be the foreground star. Let us remember that, dear Shy Parents. Love them the most in the world, because they are our greatest treasure. Let's enjoy the successes, the small ones and the bigger ones. Because what is small for us, for them can be the knocking down of a great monster.

Can boldness be learned?

Over time, the child will have to learn public performances, even when giving speeches, exams or matura exams. He will understand that he must overcome fear and better or worse, but still occur. It is possible and worth helping the child. None of us would like a child to get wet from fear of the audience or stutter. There are several proven ways to help fight stage fright, because we are actually talking about it.

  • Helper. There are people who just need to hold something in their hands during a speech and immediately gain courage. It can be a paper clip (as in the movie with Jennifer Lopez), a pointer, chalk for a blackboard, a felt-tip pen, or a piece of your own skirt. I do not suggest the last one, because according to the body language it exposes our fear. In the eyes of the recipient, we become less competent and less credible. It is better to give the child, then a teenager, an attribute directly related to the topic being discussed (if it concerns vegetation, it may be a leaf, a piece of a twig, a pebble or a mineral, etc.). As a last resort, we can give a ring with a large stone. It will turn the ring with a stone into the palm of your hand and it has something to hold.
  • Screen. All rules about public speaking negate standing behind a table or chair, arguing that this is hiding and preventing the reception of the message fully. And they are right. But no one defends us to create a rostrum. This piece of furniture is widely used, it is not denied, and it gives courage to a shy businessman or politician.
  • attempts. Contrary to appearances, one of the most effective ways. Preschool and primary school children can practice on teddy bears sitting on chairs in the living room. Parents are enough during the general rehearsal. At a later age, we can ask our friends and relatives for help and gather to listen to the speech, paper or read the essay. Let's try not to criticize during, and dispense any corrections to the child, always arguing them. If we don't know how to explain the error, we can show it. But never in a mocking tone. The show itself will be enough criticism. Let's not add a comment to this yet. After making corrections, it's worth trying again the next day. Then, even if the progress is minimal, we must praise the child, listing what we think has improved.
  • Template. Every child, younger and older, creates himself, modeling on the world around them. If we belong to the brave people, this way will be the easiest for us. Unfortunately, however, often also the most dangerous. For a brave parent, the performance in front of the child and his teddy bears is a pick. And this is also what a parent will expect from a child - "I showed you, I don't understand why you can't repeat it", "it's easy - see for yourself, mommy / daddy did it without any trouble" etc. Let's remember this thin the red border, which is dangerously close in this way. So it's best to face what you are afraid or disliked on your own. If mum squeaks and runs into a chair at the sight of a spider, let it try to approach the spider, e.g. with a jar in hand. Next time, let him try to put the jar down, blocking the spider's escape. Maybe next time you can plant a piece of paper and take the spider out of the house, releasing it into the wild? Such a fearful mother's success will not escape the attention of a child who decides to win with her weakness. We will also show him that everyone has fears, only everyone looks different. And again we return to the small steps method and the fact that everyone is different and equal in these differences.
  • Movement exercises. Some children, teenagers, adults get a throat throat when they occur, hands, legs, lips begin to shake. The reason for this is strong muscle tension. How to loosen them The banal method - get tired. If your child suffers from these symptoms, let them run down the hall before entering the room. If there is no place, let him do 20-30 squats or push-ups. "Dried plum" combined with the traditional "slat" exercise turns out to be beneficial. The child kneels down, tilting the erect torso with his head slightly back. During this time (mainly for balance), he extends his straight arms forward. It instantly tightens all muscles, both body and face, creating a grimace similar to prune. We hold for 3-5 seconds, then immediately release the tension and sit on our feet to rest. 3-5 reps should eliminate shaking arms and legs.
  • Articulation and breathing exercises. Recommended to people who "forget the language in their mouths". It is enough to perform the basic warm-up of the speech apparatus (available from any speech therapist, in speech therapy books). Not only will they warm up the face, making it easier to open in the first sentence, but also give the child confidence that he is well prepared. It is worth doing some breathing exercises with the articulation exercises. It is said that people smoke under pressure "because they must". In fact, it is the only "exercise" that allows them to calm their breath, lengthen it and devote time to it. Long inhalations and exhalations always have a relaxing effect. However, remember that the exhalation should be about twice as long as the inspiration. You can exercise by breathing in with your nose, exhaling a narrow stream with your mouth, like through a straw. However, please be careful with the number of repetitions. Breathing exercises for the untrained usually end in hyperventilation, which in turn may cause dizziness.

Let's try with the child to make every way and individually select the one appropriate to his character, temperament and preferences. However, we should remember that such exercises and ways will not eliminate stage fright in our child. They are only a tool to fight her. Let's take the time for our shame to let them know that whatever happens, we'll always be the wall behind his speech!