Learning to spread fifteen cutlery on one plate is absolutely unnecessary in everyday life. However, there are rules that will pay off in the future and which we don't necessarily combine with savoir vivre. We can teach a preschool child to most. Some should be introduced only if our child begins to participate in parties alone, go to private parties, discos, house parties and other events, and therefore at a teenage age. However, let's remember the basic rule of Kinderstuba: The example always goes down.
Most of the rules listed below may seem to you, Dear Parents, seem obvious, old-fashioned or even pointless and impractical, impossible to implement. So choose the rules that, according to you and your experience, should be added to your child's school and start immediately. For what a shell in its youth ...
Many rules are repeated, so please treat the following list as a compendium of the standard version label. I will leave the maxi version to professionals.
Inviting and receiving guests
If someone comes to us for the first time, it has been accepted that he should not remove his outer footwear. Naturally, this is a difficult situation in the rainy-mud season. Then leave the decision to the guest, having prepared for him "replacement" footwear. Another rule is that you should never take off your shoes if you are dressed festive, so in the evening. To be a "good" guy yourself, let's take footwear for a change. We will not put the host in an awkward situation, we will save him from stress and collecting guest shoes.
When planning a party, remember about appropriate guest invitation. Unless the party is prepared and planned ad hoc, let us take care of ourselves and the newcomer. Let's invite at least a few days in advance (if the guest decides to bring us something, he will have time for it). If you are inviting someone for the first time, let us give him / her the address and / or directions if the access to us is not obvious (it can be sms immediately after a telephone conversation, mail or traditionally in a paper version). We always add the date and time (to remind) to such a message and sign it. Sometimes it happens that the recipient may have several receptions planned and the situation would be embarrassing if suddenly someone rang at our door and we just got to the spring cleaning ...
There are many more rules for receiving guests. I mentioned the basic one that can be instilled in a child from the very first birthday party. Let your child call their friends inviting them to a party, let's help prepare a paper version of the invitation. Maybe we can also persuade the child to create a poem together as the content of such an invitation? For sure, our little guests will feel special and will be very pleased to come to our child. Let us help the child cover the table. Such a little helper will casually learn the correct rules, and save us time in preparation. For a child who loves manual play, let's find an interesting way of folding napkins on the Internet and let them prepare them ourselves. Our child will be happy that such a responsible task rested on him and not only willingly help, but in the future he will be eager to help on other occasions.
As a guest and wanting to be polite, we always offer our help in preparing something or cleaning up after fellow guests. It may be amazing, but it is rude, especially washing dishes. Naturally, the rule does not apply when we are with close friends or family. Let's keep this restraint for friends or people we rarely visit.
The interesting issue is WHEN to leave the party. Well, according to professionals, one of 4 basic principles should be followed:
- When more than two-thirds of guests leave;
- When the time specified by the host as the end of the event approaches (if specified);
- When an honorary guest leaves the party (the person in whose honor the event was organized, naturally if he does not live at the same address as the party being organized);
- When the hosts begin to signal or manifest fatigue. Remember to never leave last.
In situation, when we have to leave earlier, let us know about the hostsso that they are not surprised. Say goodbye discretely only to the hosts, so as not to give other guests a signal that it's time for them. We also remember to thank the hosts for the nice time.
By introducing courtesy principles to our child, let's try to explain why we behave in a certain way. Let's say we leave because Aunt Ania is already tired and should rest. Coming out of a children's party, when our child chases the best, and the mother of the small host escapes to the kitchen, because her head is already cracking or surreptitiously washing dishes, we will explain that all fun is good, if it leaves you unsatisfied. Let's ensure that we meet again the next time and are able to play again, maybe this time we invite a friend to each other. Let's ask the child to thank for having fun and hospitality. There is quite a brutal joke comparing the guest to the fish - both cases after 3 days begin to smell bad.
In the city
In public transport, i.e. in buses, trams, subway, train and everywhere where we do not have a special "seat" priority is always given to elderly people, parents / guardians with young children, pregnant women and people with disabilities.
It happens that "privileged" people behave rudely, forcing or commenting on the behavior of sitting people. Unfortunately, it also happens (which communication people certainly do not have to say) that people who seemingly do not need to give way by their behavior force them to sit down. The way they do this can effectively discourage proper behavior in the next situation.
The most unpleasant view, however, is the moment when we give way to mother and child, and instead of sitting down, taking the baby on her lap, she sits alone standing alone. This is unacceptable in pedagogical terms, Dear Parents. Think about what this teaches our child? The child who is being seated begins to live with the conviction that it belongs to HIM and it HIM should be shared. For a moment, imagine such a child not as a 4-5 year old child, but as a teenager ...
For sure, Dear Parents, you have often encountered a situation where not only a child, but also an adult man talks about Kasia's red dress or Maciek's new motor so that the entire compartment, wagon or half bus must hear it. Unfortunately, it so happens that the technique arrived to us very quickly, suddenly and nobody managed to prepare us for it.
Our generation has not been taught HOW should he use a mobile phone, no wonder then that we can't pass this knowledge on to children. Already in the first grade of elementary school (more and more often also in kindergartens), small gnomes wander in the corridors with a telephone hung around the neck. The cell phone accompanies us in everyday life at every step. It is worth knowing how to use it so as not to force your fellow passengers to listen to our stories. So let's not talk aloud, just as we refrain from listening to music through a telephone speaker. It seems like an obvious matter, and coming soon by public transport, let's listen and watch people using the phones. Strong impressions and an unusual injection of knowledge about others - made of stone.
Entering and leaving the premises, bus, shop, etc. remember that ALWAYS have priority for an outgoing person. Let's set ourselves up to make this exit easier, not difficult. Why going out first? To make room for those entering.
Please, remember also when leaving that our youth and flexibility do not entitle us to push us to leave first. It is harder for cyclists or the elderly to get out, not for us. Besides, what a pleasure to push in front of the cyclist and thus wipe off the chain of his bicycle? Let him leave, thus making it easier to enter, making them more comfortable and free.
Let's remember that the driver / driver has a mirror and sees that the passengers are still leaving. It certainly won't close the door to us. And for an elderly person who comes out much slower, maybe, because the jump of fast, fit young people is followed by a natural "break" before the elderly person appears in the driver's mirror.
Interesting thing is at letting women through the door. It would seem that the man is letting the woman out first. Nothing could be more wrong!
The boy ALWAYS enters the restaurant first. Why? The invention of Americans. Do you still remember Westerns, and so what goes the pubs commonly known as Saloony? This is where this point of our etiquette was born. The pub guests used to literally consume huge amounts of alcohol. This meant that their behavior was not always aware and controlled. So what were they doing? Intoxicated with various ointments, they threw bottles and all glass available. That is why the man, as a brave gentleman, ready to defend the honor of his chosen one, came in first to protect her from, generally speaking, getting a bottle in the head. Now such incidents do not take place, but the custom has remained, and what is important has permanently entered the label and diplomatic protocol.
As it turns out, a woman does not always have priority. Not only a restaurant is such a place. This behavior is also being cultivated in the stairwell! The man should be the first to descend the stairs. Behind him, not too far away - a woman. Why is it like that? Once upon a time the fainting ladies needed a lot of assurance, even going down the stairs. The custom has accepted and we are still using it today. Maybe not everyone will know that this is how to behave, but why risk a blunder in the company?
In specific places:
theater: Like everyone knows, but every day you can see "pearls" of oblivion. We should devote ourselves entirely to art. We come about half an hour earlier. Why? To breathe from the hustle and bustle of the day, calm down, focus on what awaits us, go to the toilet, feel the atmosphere of the theater. Banal, and yet the person coming in at the last moment introduces chaos, disturbs, spins.
Turn off phones too. And I do not mean mute, but total exclusion. Why? Because in some theaters, sound and lighting equipment is not yet modern and telephones cause the equipment to couple. This is not pleasant for the actors, technical support, or ourselves. The sound piercing the whole body interferes with reception, and people who are sensitive to noise can feel the effects more painfully. Of course, talking on the phone, eating and talking is unacceptable. And it does not matter whether we are talking about the National Theater, a performance at the Cultural Center, or during the staging of our children in kindergarten or school. Theater is a theater. It's a bond between the viewer and the actor. We give performers a message if we respect them and their work.
Clothing should also be adapted to the place. Modern rooms are equipped with well-functioning air conditioning. So let's use clothing that covers our body. Swimsuit, dungarees, short shorts, or lace blouse, through which you can see the bra at home. Naturally, the times of evening dresses and tuxedos are long gone and they do not necessarily have to come back, however moderation is always welcome. It is also obvious that we do not eat during the performance. An exception is a sip of water, but do not overdo this deviation.
Restaurant: The restaurant is a place of many worries, especially for teenagers debuting on dates. Let us help them prepare for the invitation of a loved one.
Boys should give a woman choosing a place at the table (unless there are vignettes), pull back and move the chair. The first woman to choose a meal / place an order with the waiter. There is a clear rule when using cutlery - we use them from the outside. The closer to the plate, the closer to the end of dinner. Obvious that in fast-food we have no chance of "cutlery" rules to implement. But we can use the right table behavior. We do not put napkins under the neck, but on the knees.
When using cutlery, the waiter gives a clear message about cleaning the plates - Cutlery crossed on a plate means "I'm not finished yet", a fork and knife arranged in parallel tell the waiter "I'm done". In this easy way we will avoid misunderstandings with the premises.
Today, the principle is not applied boy / man must necessarily pay for the invited girl / woman. Naturally, it is nice and should occur, however, women's emancipation and parenting often cause this situation to intimidate the fair sex, and sometimes cause rebellion and unnecessary tension. It is best if the girl / woman immediately determines her attitude towards being invited. If he does not, however, the boy should be prepared for both situations. The worst case scenario is when the girl, feeling invited, is not financially prepared, and the boy, counting on her independence, did not take the "foundation" into account ... So parents - prepare your child. Tell the girl how she should behave, if she wants to pay for herself, let her precede the question "amanta". Our children will still be nervous about the upcoming meeting. We can help them avoid blunder and thus focus on the date itself.
Cinema: Most visited place, first with parents, then with friends. It is worth remembering that the phone playing here is unwelcome. Loud comments are also not good at us. Let's try not to be late and take care of the physiological needs before the movie, so as not to unnecessarily hang around later. After the projection, let's clean up after each other, throwing cups and buckets into the bin (it is always there when leaving the room). According to the full rules of savoir vivre (but never seen from observation), every viewer should remain in the armchair until the end of the inscriptions. This shows respect for the entire crew that has put their work into the making of the film. In fact, we do not have to be so restrictive and applause and admire the entire inscriptions let the gala premieres.
Disco: It is a place of total youth frenzy, a full fashion review and absolute looseness. Let's not delude ourselves - just before leaving we will not teach our child appropriate rules. It must grow in them so as not to expose themselves in such a place, not so much to ridicule as to danger. Scarce clothes and provocative makeup will not add our teenager years, but only in the eyes of men "experience" in seduction and ecstasy of men and women. A boy dressed as a Christmas tree in the most fashionable clothes will not arouse the expected respect or recognition. Let's advise children to dress comfortably when going to a party (be it a party or disco). If a girl wants to reveal her neckline, let her wear more modest pants (e.g. jeans).
If she dreams of a skirt, let her slightly "cover" the top. This does not mean that she should wear golf and pants. However, this is a kind of party and meeting during which we willingly display our attributes, we are also guided by pheromones and hormones. This cannot be avoided. That is why it is worth ensuring that our child is not misunderstood, especially by older participants of the game. Of course, we should start with self-esteem and realize the pros and cons of such events. However, it is a long-term process that has little in common with bon ton (literally). More important, however, in such places are not so much the principles of good manners as they are safety.
Let's talk to the child much earlier. We can even organize a child's party at home (before he enters the age when the presence of adults is grossly disturbing) according to the rules that will allow him and guests to have fun, dance, talk and go crazy, and give us sleepy nights that the child knows how to use such parties. After all, none of the parents would like to "gather" their child from the party in a state barely in contact with alcohol intoxication. Let's teach what alcohol is, who it is for, how to drink it. Drinking to the dead is not only not trendy, nor is it any kind of embarrassment, but above all it is embarrassment when others look at a degraded version of a nice chick or a super gostka (language borrowed from junior high school students and introduced intentionally).
School: This is the place where our children spend the most time. Here they learn, shape their characters, make friends, gain and refute authorities. However, this is not a fashion show or a place where children and young people should emphasize their "charms".
Protruding underwear (a very common sight among boys wearing pants with a lowered crotch), or women's thongs (cut out hipsters in girls) is not only a garment negating all good manners, but simply a disgusting sight. In order to be perceived as a valuable man, we must be a kind of aesthetics. This does not mean, however, that dressing from head to toe will gain value. It's always good to be guided by naturalness.
Youth especially creates their own style, joins ideologically and clothes to various subcultures. It is worth that by that time she developed her own individual style, so that by joining a group of peers, she would not become a disguise, but would draw on the corresponding elements to her style. Here, parents play a huge role, instilling individuality for their child from childhood. So, having twins and dressing them identically, we take away their individuality. Likewise, having different siblings of the same age. Let's try to explain to the child what style it is, why it is not proper to go to school as if on the beach, even on a hot day. I will not mention the principle of neat clothing, clean body. Contrary to appearances, the last 2 rules are often overlooked, especially among young people ...
Naturally at school we use the phone, but the child should not be turned on during the lesson. It disturbs concentration and the teacher conducts classes when the phone rings with "black eyes" or some "crazy frog".
Church: No matter what faith we speak of, it is always a place of profession of faith. Whether we enter as believers or as tourists, we follow the same rules - respect for faith, a place of worship and respect for other people. For these few moments, turn off the phone, do not shout, do not run, do not chew gum or eat sandwiches (!). It is obvious that small children need crunchy or water. And no one sees anything wrong with it. But an adult can refrain from eating, crunching or chewing. Let us remember that unless this is an element of faith, we do not leave our headgear on our heads. Let's not take pictures with a flash, especially during mass. Let's wait, in a moment the rite will end and we will calmly watch all the paintings, take pictures, admire the altars. It is also worth remembering about the right appearance. Keep your arms, knees and feet exposed. And this is actually the end of the rules of dress (unless they are strictly defined for a specific faith). The church is a place of calmness and spiritual renewal. Let's leave the fashion review on the catwalk.
In all this hustle and bustle of rules, rules and guidelines, be guided, Dear Parents, instinct, reason, experience and observation. Your child does not have to be an IDEAL. First of all, it should feel good in your own skin. In company, he should be himself, not a walking encyclopedia. However, it is worth going beyond "good morning" and "goodbye". Respect acquired for the elders and the ability to behave properly in certain situations will not only help the child in adult life, but also give us peace of mind and a worthy successor while we already sow and we will not organize any joint parties, but only come to such. Let's be egoists in the kind of kindergarten. Moms and Dads - remember that your daughters will go to work sometime during pregnancy. Let's spare their legs and spine by teaching behavior in public transport
As I said "What a shell in my youth ..."