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"Naughty children. 9 steps to obedience "


I don't know what naughty children are. At least in the extreme edition about which education professor George M. Kapalka, the author of the book, writes. That is why this guide, which I will try to review for you, is difficult for me. On many levels. Starting from the cognitive up to the concept itself. Contrary to what is sometimes said, I am of the opinion that there are situations when "ordinary love" is unable to bring up. Every child needs to learn the consequences of his evil deeds. If the parent does not show it, the world will be very painful to the child. It is for this reason that I believe that textbooks on upbringing and discipline, despite many objections and protests, should exist.

Who is the author?

George M. Kapalka is a Polish therapist working in the United States. Working with both American and Polish families.
The author suggests in the guide a method of controlling a naughty child called a behavioral contract.

The guide allows you to visualize emotions

What does this book deserve? Certainly because Professor Kapalka is trying to make his parents aware of mistakes in an accessible, but scientific way. Not lofty and hypothetical about them, but on specific examples, describing specific situations in life. It gives advice on how to behave in situations that overwhelm us parents.

In this way, he tries to show us the wrong assumption that the child "is rude" because he wants to make us angry. It shows that a toddler does certain things because we taught him that, because in this way he achieves the goal, because he wants something very much ...

Kapalka also explains what many parents do not understand, trying to equate upbringing with training, and compare discipline to bullying. It makes us realize that we live in a world in which there is action and there is reaction, there is behavior and there are consequences. It does not matter if we are 5, 15 or 40 years old. Each of us must reckon with the fact that if he does wrong, the parent will punish (e.g. prohibit watching TV), the lady will put one in school, the partner will be offended, and the supervisor will not be promoted.

Parents' role is not to force or exert pressure by requiring 100% obedience. This is not upbringing. Upbringing, as convinced by Kapalka, allows the child to act in the way his conscience tells him, but to be aware of the consequences of his actions. If he does it wrong, he will be punished, if it is right, there will be a reward. It's a simple system that accompanies us every day in life.

Of course, punishment is not humiliation of a child, it is not even more beating or saying words that will take away confidence and a sense of value. Punishment is imposed with calmness and love. With a sense of certainty that in this way we teach a child to live and function in a society in which no one cares about good and nobody is as patient and forgiving towards the child as mom or dad.

What kind of person will your child be?

Listening to modern experts "on raising children", you can have a confusion. Those who say the sentences: respect a child, never punish and raise in love, often do not give any reasonable tips on what to do when a child falls into hysteria, how to behave, when a beloved toddler tests our patience, slapping us in the face or doing other equally unpleasant things. When raising a child, you have to deal with various situations, and their severity depends on what you have no influence on, including the child's temperament. On the other hand, experts recommending penalties and rewards are often attacked for "unpopular theses."

Kapalka, by virtue of experience, is rather a traditionalist in raising children. With this little remark that giving the child as much freedom as he can bear. It illustrates specific examples from the many years of experience of a psychologist and family psychotherapist, shows that upbringing is not suppressing resistance, curiosity or tendency to break barriers, it is participation in the child's life and showing that every day it simply pays to follow rules.

Who is this guide for?

I do not recommend this guide to all parents. The author himself in the introduction explains clearly and honestly who this publication is for. This very detailed guide, which describes step by step the rules of dealing with children, is dedicated to parents whose children cause more problems than those of the average parent.

This is a guide for parents who fail, who have neglected or raised their children badly for years. Read by a parent of younger children, they may encounter misunderstanding, surprise, and even an attack on "unpopular" advice. Therefore, if your child is three years old or less, and when it does not cause major educational problems, rather skip reading. Instead, follow the author's instructions contained in the book in a situation where you really can't do it, and other methods in your case did not help.

In the guide "Naughty children" you will find helpful advice for mothers of children who do not listen to their parents, do not do what they are told, are not willing to cooperate, have problems at school, difficulties in focusing on homework, but also children with a problem falling into hysteria, aggressive kids, or generally "with problems".

"Naughty children. 9 steps to obedience ”can replace a dozen visits to a family psychotherapist and by implementing the principles it contains has a chance to solve the problems of parents and children. However, it is worth stressing at the very end: this is not a book for everyone and with a bit of bad will its message can easily be received badly ...

Thank you to GWP (Gdańsk Psychological Publishing House) for providing the book for review.